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Time To Change

A colleague of mine told me today that she noticed perceptible changes in me since Feb'2010, and that the same  opinion is shared by a few others too. The most noticeable changes being:
  • I am not as frequently loud as I was before.
  • A semblance of an emotional being is now visible
  • I seem now to feel need for people to be around me (sociability)
    I said yes to all the three and thanked her. If these are the first few steps, there are miles to go until I am perceived like any other normal human being. I am on the way. 

    When asked on the reason for change, I shared something very simple. I told her that I somehow started believing that its ok to share what I feel and let some of the normal emotions become visible to others. I have always been interested in people around me, especially colleagues who work with me, its just that I did not want them to know. Now I feel it is ok to let them know.

    I am not very sure whether this is going to be easy. There is less to lose and much to gain. Happy change days ahead.


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    I have looked at myself
    From the edges of reason
    And discovered
    That both my sanity and insanity
    Springs forth like seasons
    Out of my distances from you. Realizing thus
    I have allowed the outer rims
    Of my diffused sanity
    To fritter away into crumbs
    Of misplaced memories
    From my time with you. I have often found myself being unreasonable
    When I am away from you.
    And generally insane
    When otherwise.

    Objects in the rear-view mirror are…

    When it was time for her to go, it was also time for me to let go. Once an irritant is washed out, they say you can start seeing better immediately. All that stupid tears and all that rubbing of the soul, until your eyelids would cry out, no more, no more. 
    And then, just like that, one fine day, I wake up, and she was gone.
    As the train chugged out
    The tracks cried out in senseless
    creaks of half despair

    The Dark of the Night

    You would not have walked with me
    Had the nights been not so scary
    And your nightmares
    All so real for you.

    I would not have held your hands
    Had the hands that I wished to hold
    Not left me out in the cold.
    Let us together, you and I

    Celebrate our togetherness
    Even as in our silences
    We cherish our separateness.

    Mar 7, 2015
    First published in Indian Sahitya, Feb 2017 Issue on Contemporary Indian Poetry