Slow Death

Some day I shall gather your memories
And throw them to the winds
Slowly, one memory at a time
I would let them escape,
UntilI have erased
My past
Completely.

The humps and the bends

I know this road well. I know its every dip, and I know where it begins to bend before it begins to climb. I know the spot where the baby metal has chipped off a wee bit. I know where the craters are and how to carouse around them. I recognize the bumper stickers and I know those who are in a perpetual hurry.

This road is known to me. This road takes me home.

Cobwebs in our minds

mynameisfinch.blogspot.com
A tiny spider made its way from the celling to my lap. 
A moment of indiscretion would have snuffed out its little life. 

I blew a jet of air its way. 
The little spider landed safely under the sofa, gathered itself, and went on with its tiny life.

If you could save The Savior, my little one, who am I to judge you. 
Wish you a full life. Stay around.

Men are from mars!

I: Baby you cannot just call up after six months of silence and ask me to buy you your grocery. It muddles up my mind. I need some continuity. You need to make me feel that I am a lot more than your errand boy!

She: Will you come with me or not?

I: Who said I am not coming? Don't I have the f#=king right to crib?
She: And would you stay back later? I can make chow...soft fried, just like you love. I have the dark soya sauce too and I know...no ajinomoto. And I have this new rotimatic that I need you to see. It is such a beauty, you will freak out!

I: Sorry babe, I need to be somewhere by 8. Maybe another time?

She: Sure, See you at the store then.

Ring Ring - Take that Call!

Courtesy:The HINDU
Raj? (In mild annoyance)
Yes Princess?

Its a Sunday baby. Why do you have to answer all the calls on your phone?

This is my personal phone babe. I don't have too many people calling on this one.

Agreed. But this is the third time you are walking out of the room with your phone. It annoys me.
I am sorry Princess. But I will have to take all the calls. 
Raj..%#$@@**.(Major Annoyance)


---Silence-----


Princess?
What??

Do you remember Anju? 
That girl who went for a divorce?
Yes
What about her?
Two years ago, on one such Sunday, she had given me a call. I was surprised to see her call, since, we were not really thick. 

Hmm.. what happened? Did she want to marry you or what?
At first there was a lot of silence on the other side. I thought that her kid had dialed out accidentally. And then I plugged my other ear and said Hello again. I felt as if I could hear a sob, and then a whisper.  I did not disconnect the call. I just told her that I know something is not right. I told her that I will hear her out. I told her that I will not hang up on her!

Phir kya hua? (What happened then?)
Well, I spent an hour with her over the phone. I called her now ex-husband a Donkey. I told her that all men (other than me) are not worth their weight in Gobar (Cow Dung). I made her cry and then she laughed some.
Phir? (Then)

That last call a while ago was from her Princess. Two years ago, after a bad fight with her hubby, she was in the kitchen with the baby. Her gas line was open and she had a gas lighter in her hand. Had I not taken her call then, she would not have been there to make this call today!

(----Long Silence---)

Raj?
Yes Princess?
But why did she call you and no one else that time?

Princess?
Yes Baby?
You will never know why someone calls you. We are a strange species. Its a mystery.

I feel you

You still sit close to me
Its only an additional inch away
And nobody sees this except me.

You still look at me
Like you always did
With some longing and loads of love
Only, now your eyes hold mine for a micro second less.

And when you talk to me now
I am reminded of the time
When you did not have to measure your words
Ration your laughter...
You served pure sunshine.

Wedges in our hearts
Are so difficult to live with.
For they exist in places
Where no stranger has ever tread.

The Frenemy Within

I read Eli Shafaq's Forty Rules of Love a couple of months ago. It helped me understand a little more about the fights that wage in me. How I experience life has a lot to do with who I am. I am often surprised at the level of diversity that exists within the human race. Its like living in an ocean with each of  us being the only one of is kind. But amidst this insane diversity does run a common thread. There are everyday little things that strings together all of human race. Here goes my list:
  1. Words hurt more than broken bones. And such wounds take much longer to heal.
  2. Cancer is something that exists as a disease of the body as well as mind. Some thoughts, when left unattended, grow cancerous, kill.
  3. Love heals faster than the doctor. Leaves us stronger. Hatred infests deeper, lingers longer, manifests itself in unpredictable ways, and often is easier to nurture than love.
  4. Love is complicated. It can give way to hatred in a moment. Love is fragile, needs constant tending and protection.
  5. Fight among siblings are more common than often perceived. Generations of cousins have lived as strangers, separated by an instance of hatred spanning over a hundred years.
  6. Thoughtless words from loved ones hurt a million times more than concentrated armed attack by an army of haters.
  7. Everyone loves a genuine smile.
  8. Its truly impossible to explain love or hurt or anger or pride or esteem or any such words. They live in mysterious places within us, mostly not open to analysis in a lifetime.
  9. Death of near ones form craters in our soul. By the time we are old, we all will look like the Moon. Beautiful from a distance.
  10. There is a soul. It is the essence of life. I know that soul exists. I realized this when my grandma suddenly gained complete consciousness a day before she died and asked my sis... "Tell me, do I look beautiful?"
  11. Prayers of strangers are answered just a fast as those from our near and dear ones. The kingdom of God is not a kingdom, its a democratic republic. HE stamps all visas, denies none, includes all.
Do you have a list of your own? Share the same.

Explode

Let the frozen icicles from past
Thaw for a moment in time
Let the warmth of my surrender
Give life to tender spring.

I call for the roses to believe again
I call for the wild flowers to sprout
And the larks to find their songs anew

I hold on to myself no more
I am now one with you
The white in me is now splattered
With a million colors of you.

Nicotine

I can snuff you out Like a cigarette butt But the smoke that gets into my eyes And the nicotine that stains my heart Will eventuall...