Works of RK

Some days the day just don't end. The post noon drags on as if the entire universe plots and stretches each second into a mile. The day long yawns into a short little night. Before I can could catch a breath, slow a while,  and spend some time thinking about you, It is day again, and I am working again. I have remembered you in my yesterdays, you are in my thoughts today and I know that I will miss you in my tomorrows. Amidst the sorrows of yesterdays and the solace of my tomorrows is one meandering life.  

Growing Up Heart Break Song...Now Reminded :)

I do not remember much of my childhood. Much of my memories are reconstructed from old photographs. They are GM memories genetically modified. There are some memories that are as real, unadulterated.  I remember the deafening silence after the loud bang of the cracker which burst too close to my sisters ears. God has been kind, he spared our toddler ears and we can hear clearly today. I also remember the anger on my moms face when she realised that the 20 rupees she had kept safely for dipawali was missing! We had flicked it and burst the crackers two days in advance! God was kind, dad came early from tour and brought with him a bagful of crackers home.  I do not remember any year when we did not have a huge cache of crackers to burst. All my unadulterated memories are about the time I spent playing, fighting shouting kicking and loving my sister. Some of them are also about the times I spent with you.

Sifting through the fine grain of memories, I come across nuggets of yore. I look into your eyes and I see they twinkle still, I see you smile and feel glad that you retain the magic still. I pose for a snap and see me with you frozen still. I look at myself, my balding mane my deceptive laugh lines my tired life, I close my eyes and thank God. Thank God that you knew me as a kid.  Now I know why you are so special still.  You have known the best of me,  You have known me as a kid. Rajesh

There is a picture of yours in a silk saree. Hairs straightened; face partly covered with your hands, hiding a laugh.  Whenever I feel that my life is fast turning rudderless, whenever I start losing my connect with what is beautiful about life, I see that smile on your face, I do a zoom and look into your twinkling eyes, I catch the glean of flash bulbs on your silken hair, and I am back to loving life again. Frozen in time is your smile, you are the reason I tread another mile. Rajesh

I was in Belgaum a couple of months ago, waiting to catch the train home.  As usual we had swarm of beggars all around us, coming in some strange randomness. The young and abled would come first, this will be closely followed by the variety that limps followed by very old women. The increasing degrees of pathos that the line up generates taxes human emotions. To a very large degree, I am immune to beggars who are able bodied. I am partly immune to the limping variety. I generally succumb to the old and the aged. I fail to comprehend why someone as old as my grandmother, barely able to move, hardly see, has to go out every day into the world and beg for food. I feel cheated being a part of a nation that is all fart and no action, especially when it comes to the aged. The grains that we allow to rot every year is sufficient for two times of food for all the poor and needy elders in this country. I wish I was working with the government, I would have at least given it a try! The elderly a

I sometimes wonder about the tenacity with which life finds reasons to hang on. My maternal grandmother is 87 and in the terminal stages of cancer, she can barely breathe, but life holds on. My life have been in absolute chaos for sometime now, there are very limited things and people in life that bring me joy, life however finds constant source of engagement, a blog that makes me laugh a movie that makes me cry some good lookin woman who makes me drool, a child that makes me want to have one of my own. My life thunders on. Rajesh

I never knew when it all became so complicated. When I started rewriting definitions, drafting terms of engagement. I do not remember when I stopped having time for those who love me and started finding time chasing those who dont. I dont remember when I grew up, when I became just another face in the dumb fucking crowd, when I stopped tipping the poor beggar woman on the corner or the young kid of the tea stall owner. I have no clue when I forgot . . . Remembering you. Rajesh

The nights give way to stupid days. Life to more life, white noise. Working on the keyboard answering stupid mails, scripting project plans, wasting time, I find myself suddenly thinking about you. I suddenly rediscover things that make my moments special. I feel my love for life increasing. The moments I spend thinking of you are the moments I love to live in. These are the moments when birds and rainbows sunlight and clouds kites and balloons mom and dad all feel so wonderful and special. These are the moments when I hear your laughter echo through the corridors of my otherwise desolate life. These are the moments when I surrender, when I dont fight the urge to dispute how incorrigibly I love you. Wishful thoughts cross my mind... I Wish you had loved me, a quarter as much as I love you. And if you do, wish I knew. Rajesh

If I stitch together life with ancient derelict scripts and new age melodrama, and then I play Morgan Freeman and Jack Nic rolled into one, what would the movie be, if not intense. Rajesh