Works of RK

What do you want to be? Where do you want to go? I have been at the wrong end of these two questions too many times in life. My response confuses people, their question confuse me! What do you want to be? Well, the last time I checked, I was already busy being! I just want to grow old, in possibly less interesting circumstances than the present, and die, at around 100 or so.  I appreciate that my milestones are not the milestones most people would set for themselves. The next obvious question is what would you do for that long? That long, I mean I just polished off 36 years of living and it seems that I was born only today morning! I want more time, I love living and I have been incredibly busy doing just that. 100 seem just fine. Where do you want to go? Now this is a tricky one. I always thought that we all go to the either of the two places. You go up, or you go down. Wherever I go, finally, I am sure I will be much trouble there. Interesting questions have interesting answers; this

Mom dropped home by Colleagues-Last Working Day My mom retired from government service after some 38 years of service across Bihar and Kerala. Her colleagues threw a superannuation party for which the family was invited. Keeping our own family traditions alive, we were there in full quorum! The superannuation speech by her colleagues, the tears in the eyes of some of her colleagues and the general sincerity in the speeches gave me insights into a dimension of her personality. It took me 36 years (my age) to understand this completely. It was my mother they were referring to but for them, she was a colleague they will miss, for some a friend and others a supervisor they will remember of fondly. Only a woman can play so many roles with such élan. There is some embedded chip running in them that help them be so many different people rolled into one, and play out each one of these roles fully! As she starts a new inning in her life, I wish her luck and years of health and happiness :)

To those who moved on; The choice was yours, not mine.  To those distanced in time; someday we shall meet again.  To those alienated by memories; You continue to appear in my thoughts.  To those separated by wealth; I wish we all had a little less!  To those who have passed away; hold on, I too am on my way.  And for those who trudge along; Thank you. Thank you.  I hope our love; this life sustains.

I cannot stop my thoughts from thinking about you still. I cannot will away memories of time I spent with you, until there was no time left. Mercilessness and unforgiving though the time is, I believe someday it will bring us together again; someday it will be like our yesterdays again. Someday when we walk into the evening sun, hand in hand, silent and swaying in the winds... I would take that leap of faith and kiss you. This time, I shall not wait for it to be dark again. Darkness lasts longer in this part of the world.

If it were left to me I would have meandered my way Through these desolate shores and wiled my life away. Thank you for stopping by Stepping in and sharing a smile All the colors in my life Are colors that you left behind All the songs that I sing Are from thoughts that you left behind Not that the journey is shorter now Not that the roads are better Nor the destiny less unforgiving But the difference is I almost like this living! From Life in a Multiverse

What is life if it does not sustain, some memories from the time spent together? Why dream if they do not wake up with me and fill my each day, with thoughts of you? What is time if it would not bend and make way for someday some more time with you? Why have lived at all if it were in a life without you?

Today I used the last of dried Tamarind my grandma packed for me two years ago. Two years ago, I did not foresee that she will no longer be there to pack me another consignment. Having lived alone almost all my life, going back home once a quarter was an absolute delight. Grandma would be waiting on the portico, sometime, she would not not sleep late into nights, waiting for her favorite grandson's footsteps to  alight. She would hug me and when she did, everything was all right. Tonight's fish curry tastes wonderful. Wonderful because the last sprinkle of tamarind adds to the spice. There will be this spice no more. Ah! fickle life!

Everyone has a story to tell, it depends on who is listening. I close my eyes and think of the time I have spent with the people in my life. I have seen sorrow where smiles were first expressed, I have discovered joy behind pools of tears. In the long walks of life, every stranger that we meet, leave memories, write stories. I am yet to hear something original, something compulsively different from the rest of them; the masters have written it all in great books and brought to life in great movies; but that seldom matters. What matters is that everybody has a story to tell. Stories of conflicting desires, missed opportunities, gained love and lost lovers. My stories are precious to me, they define me. So are yours, hold on to them, tend to them, care for them.  I am my stories, without them, there is very little left of the idea called me.

Raj, please come out baby, there is a rainbow in the sky. Ya I see that, Its been a while Long while Raj, so long since we saw a rainbow! 18 years, its been 18 years since we saw a rainbow. Do you believe what they say? Yes I do Please! Don’t be so naive, its just grandma’s tale No I believe, I believe that there is a pot of Gold Offo! Then run behind it, tum bhi na! I did once, I chased a rainbow across the river, I found my Gold 18 years ago…. And you know what? What? She still shines as new.

Mom calling us to have Payasam Today was my mom's 60th birthday. The last birthday she would celebrate at office, for she retires this month end. Like all original Mallus, I am not with her, I am in a far away land doing god forsaken things to lend credence to what we call a "Job," and so is dad and Sis, all at different places.  I wished her in the morning and then I waited till noon to hear from her. She called at 3.00, quite emotional and said: "Thank you for the cake and the flowers, my colleagues had forgotten my birthday, your cake reminded them and they sang me a birthday song!"  Thank you Rajani (my sis) for prodding me to send the gift. That special woman in my life felt special today, away from family, but connected and cared for. The power of gifts is in what they do. Allindiaflorist.com delivered again. Thanks to them as well.  I wish I could be there with her today, thank God for the cake... and the flowers. Happy Birthday Mom.