Works of RK

There are times in our lives, mostly desolate, when we exercise our right to say goodbye. Goodbye is such a wishful word! We use it to induce guilt, sustain longing, flame desires. We also use it to sever ties. When we use it we believe that there will be a probable change in the status quo. We believe that at that moment in time, our lives take different paths. Goodbyes are Frost like, goodbyes are where the two roads diverge. Goodbyes are the points of divergence in our lives. I have had my share of goodbyes too. Some have been pleasant and our paths still cross. These are the manageable goodbyes, these are like second life, one of us has decided to change our avatar or teleport ourselves to a different world, the other adjusts. There is another kind of goodbye. The titanic goodbyes. They were here until yesterday. There were with me when the sun went down, they never came back with the morning sun. Two roads diverged in the woods... forever and there was no time for just onelast goo

I know that I would not live forever. I also know that I will not remain young forever. All my lessons are from my past, my future is as unreal as the present that unfolds. Amidst all these uncertainties, I do not grieve. I do not feel that I have missed out the best in my life, I do not believe that I need to come back again and again. I have lived eternity in a kiss... I know now that it is just another moment in time. And what a moment it is! And having lived eternity with you, I do not need a future...without you? Rajesh

What would this life be without music? I remember when as a teen I first fell in love; I remember that I had Rehman’s Roza Janeman to keep me company. Later, when I moved to Kerala for my higher education, the years that I spent longing for mom and dad were filled with “Country Roads” by John Denver and “Seasons in the Sun” by Terry Jacks. Songs help fill the silences in my life. When my mind gets bogged down by unfulfilled aspirations, when what is seems a poor cousin to what was and what could have been, songs help retain my sanity. Some of my all time favorite songs are songs that feed the fire of some precious memory or the other. Songs have helped me connect; songs have helped me make amends. Songs have helped me tide over losses, celebrate togetherness. Some time ago I had this somebody in my life who loved ghazals. She loved Jagjit Singh and she would come out with the most beautiful lines from those songs to celebrate some wayward thought. We are no longer together, but Son

Time is a silent killer. It keeps eating away into almost everything I know... all the time. There are days that pass without thoughts of you, days when I am so busy with work that I forget to live life. Life suspends itself on such days. There are no memories of such days. If you ask me what I did, I would say I do not remember. These are the days when I do not think of you. These are the days that I do not remember. Normal days are daunting. They start with thoughts of you. I remember the glares you wore and felt all hep. I could see you having fun with all the glares you get when you are out in the crowd. I would remember the excuses you would make when your jeans would tighten a tad, or when you have one of those "Bad hair days." There is enough of you that I have retained with me, in photos, in lines, in thoughts and in life... to last a lifetime. All days that I remember to have lived are days when you danced in my thoughts. Time is a killer, it keeps eating away into e

Some evenings when I drive back home, I look at the empty seat besides me, and then I think of you.  There were evenings when you would run into the car, (as always in a hurry) and switch the blowers to full and take deep breaths. You would talk to yourself, curse the traffic and your sirkari boss, make fun of me and then listen to some songs. You were always so full of life! Every moment shared with you seemed so full of you. Some evenings as I drive back home... I am reminded of you. I take a deep breath to catch some faint fragrance that you might have left behind, and finding none, I close my eyes and catch you in my thoughts.

What tomorrow brings, I leave to tomorrow. What comes forth from my yesterdays I shall leave behind today. This day that I step into Is the only day I have O Lord Make my day!

It takes a long time to make sense of relationships. Sometimes I feel that it is well nigh impossible to make sense at all. I list some of the greatest mysteries that exist between human relationships: It is difficult to read other people’s minds. It is difficult to comprehend me as other people see me. What I think I know of others is an older version; the file keeps getting updated quite frequently. Most assumptions that I make in relationships are conditional. Sometimes I believe that I am important in the other person’s life, most times, I believe that I am not. Either of the beliefs does not really matter, since I know neither for sure. My assumptions are based on my life’s transactions with the other person. The higher the sharing of thoughts, laughter and worries, the closer I believe I am to the other. The absence of affection, care, and physical touch makes me believe that I am not important. I need to be touched

I saw crackers burst over the night sky a short while ago. The little mount church nearby is celebrating some festival. There was another night sometime ago; a night steeped in folk songs, crackers and loads of laughter. When the last embers of each cracker burns out, and the night sky awaits another burst, there is a short period of silence between showers of lights. Thoughts of you fill these silences. You ignite my memories with each burst of crackers. I see your eyes catch the gleam of sparkles, I hear your laughter in the cheering crowds. Today, as always, you are with me in all my celebrations, and the silences that follow.

I hate to travel by road. It has something to do with my absolute dread of accidents. But then, 12 hours and 750 kilometers later, I reached Chennai safely on my basanti (Sam calls my car Basanti). In the past two months the word Autumn has crept into my lines more frequently than ever before. It pops up in my poems, in my blogs and in my every day conversations. Traveling through the ghat roads, autumn followed me all the way to Chennai. There were some trees, especially the neem trees that had finally decided to grow some leaves and blushed green all over the roadsides, but the others, they were still in mourning. I now begin to realize the connection between human emotions and nature. Even as I felt the need to shed some leaves and leave them behind, I could see the trees doing the same. Someday soon, when the longing for what was is no longer as strong as it is today, like the neem trees, I will grow green leaves and bloom again. Until then, let the songs of Autumn play on. My boss

A colleague of mine told me today that she noticed perceptible changes in me since Feb'2010, and that the same  opinion is shared by a few others too. The most noticeable changes being: I am not as frequently loud as I was before. A semblance of an emotional being is now visible I seem now to feel need for people to be around me (sociability) I said yes to all the three and thanked her. If these are the first few steps, there are miles to go until I am perceived like any other normal human being. I am on the way.  When asked on the reason for change, I shared something very simple. I told her that I somehow started believing that its ok to share what I feel and let some of the normal emotions become visible to others. I have always been interested in people around me, especially colleagues who work with me, its just that I did not want them to know. Now I feel it is ok to let them know. I am not very sure whether this is going to be easy. There is less to lose and much to gain. Hap