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Making Amends (With A Cadbury's Bournville)

I put the first step forward to make amends today. I had muddled up my relationship with a very precious friend of mine. Silences followed silences and they stretched many a miles into my life. It started filling my idle thoughts; it started popping up when my mind was otherwise filled with noises. I knew I had to make amends where there was still time.

I did just that.

I am not very sure if all is well now, some stitches, hurriedly sown together, stands out longer than others. I cannot vouch her forgiveness, all I can say is I did what I thought I must do. Looking back at the reasons why I took the initiative, I realized the following:

1.     I started it. I had to end it.
2.     I am leaving for another town for a long period. I wanted the last thoughts I leave behind to bring a smile, not a frown.
3.     She is very important. I would not like it to end this way.
4.     Two months is a long time, lots of things change overnight. I would not like to wait for a tomorrow I do not know to make amends for things I did yesterday.

I feel neither happy nor sad today. Making unilateral amends may not bring me happiness, but it sure brings me a better perspective on myself. I plan to do it more often in the future.

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Clarity

I have looked at myself
From the edges of reason
And discovered
That both my sanity and insanity
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Out of my distances from you. Realizing thus
I have allowed the outer rims
Of my diffused sanity
To fritter away into crumbs
Of misplaced memories
From my time with you. I have often found myself being unreasonable
When I am away from you.
And generally insane
When otherwise.

Objects in the rear-view mirror are…

When it was time for her to go, it was also time for me to let go. Once an irritant is washed out, they say you can start seeing better immediately. All that stupid tears and all that rubbing of the soul, until your eyelids would cry out, no more, no more. 
And then, just like that, one fine day, I wake up, and she was gone.
As the train chugged out
The tracks cried out in senseless
creaks of half despair

The Dark of the Night

You would not have walked with me
Had the nights been not so scary
And your nightmares
All so real for you.

I would not have held your hands
Had the hands that I wished to hold
Not left me out in the cold.
Let us together, you and I

Celebrate our togetherness
Even as in our silences
We cherish our separateness.

Mar 7, 2015
First published in Indian Sahitya, Feb 2017 Issue on Contemporary Indian Poetry