I put the first step forward to make amends today. I had muddled up my relationship with a very precious friend of mine. Silences followed silences and they stretched many a miles into my life. It started filling my idle thoughts; it started popping up when my mind was otherwise filled with noises. I knew I had to make amends where there was still time.
I did just that.
I am not very sure if all is well now, some stitches, hurriedly sown together, stands out longer than others. I cannot vouch her forgiveness, all I can say is I did what I thought I must do. Looking back at the reasons why I took the initiative, I realized the following:
1. I started it. I had to end it.
2. I am leaving for another town for a long period. I wanted the last thoughts I leave behind to bring a smile, not a frown.
3. She is very important. I would not like it to end this way.
4. Two months is a long time, lots of things change overnight. I would not like to wait for a tomorrow I do not know to make amends for things I did yesterday.
I feel neither happy nor sad today. Making unilateral amends may not bring me happiness, but it sure brings me a better perspective on myself. I plan to do it more often in the future.